Here's the latest oddity that's happened to me on Britain's rail network...! Last week, I was coming back from London, on a crowded commuter train from Marylebone. I was sitting just along from one of those new, enormous toilets they've got on the railways now: great big curving 'pod' things, with very large, wide sliding doors.

About half way through the journey, a City Gent type, aged about 50-ish, came up to the loo, looked it up and down as if to say 'Blimey, this looks a bit space-age, what do I do here?', and eventually pressed the OPEN button. And the door opened... KSs-chunk, wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... the huge curved door rolled aside at about the speed of a dead tortoise. At last, after about 30 seconds, it halted with a Sssk-clunk.

In he went. Press the CLOSE button. KSs-chunk, wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... thirty seconds... wrrrrrrr, Sssk-clunk. Shut.

About five minutes later, a woman made her way along the aisle between the seats. She went up to the giant loo. Hmm, let's see now... press OPEN. KSs-chunk, wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... oh dear, the guy inside clearly didn't know how to actually lock the door... and there he was, sitting there, trousers around his ankles. His face was frozen in utter, screaming horror. He didn't move a muscle.

Meanwhile, the woman, scarlet with embarrassment, kept pressing madly at the CLOSE button and trying to look anywhere except at this poor bloke. But, of course, the door was still half way through its 30-second opening cycle... wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... slowly, slowly, slowly... wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

At last, it Sssk-clunk-ed. The woman stabbed CLOSE again...

KSs-chunk, wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... slowly, slowly, thirty seconds... neither of them said a word. He didn't move. She stared madly out of the window... wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Sssk-clunk. Shut. She hurried away. Very quickly.The guy was in there for about another twenty minutes. He waited until we'd stopped at a station and then got moving again, hoping he'd be able to come out and find everyone seated near the loo had got off the train. Nobody had. He emerged, press CLOSE, and off he went pretending absolutely nothing had happened.

And then I started giggling.(Actually, something else happened on the journey TO London that day, but I'm still too traumatised to talk about it. I might blog about that one in a week or two...)
 


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