Anyone who's heard me speak at a school or library will have heard one of my weird train stories. Well, here's the latest one. You could title it "Three Posh Blokes Act Like Toddlers" or maybe "Nyah! Nyah! Mine's Better Than Yours!":
I was on the train down to London the other week. Quite busy, lots of commuters. I was sitting in one of those blocks of four-seats-with-a-table you get. The other three seats were occupied by smartly dressed middle aged businessmen. Naturally, I looked like a refugee from a jumble sale, but that's by the by.
For a while, they were all busy shuffling papers and making notes and pretending to do some Work. As you do.
Then Man A dug around in his pocket and produced a smart little iPod nano, which he set carefully on the table, before popping in his earbuds. He was obviously rather proud of it. Look, guys, I'm hip and trendy. Yeh, iPod nano, cool, got all m'sounds on it, yeh.
Two minutes later, Man B thinks to himself, right, I'll show him. (Not a word spoken, of course). So out of his briefcase comes his iPod Classic. In yer face, Mr Nano. 120 gigabytes, versus your 16, yeh, you do the math.
A slight pause. Then Man C calmly dips a couple of fingers into his top pocket. Whop! Brand new iPhone! Shiny, shiny. Man A and Man B totally defeated! Round 1 to Man C, ding ding.
On rumbles the train. Still not a single word exchanged between anybody. These three businessmen are listening to Girls Aloud, or whatever it is they've downloaded.
Ten minutes later: seconds away, round 2. Man B - currently in second place with the iPod Classic - gets an idea. Into the briefcase. Oh, look guys, forgot, here's myyyyy... Blackberry! Hmm, think I'll check my email. Uh-huh, yeh, important news from the office, better just reply to that... on my Blackberry. It's a Blackberry. Just gonna send a few messages here. On my Blackberry.
Man C's not standing for that. Oh yes, need to do some emails m'self, actually. So from his bag under the table comes a netbook. Not an el cheapo netbook, oooh no, one of those e.x.e.c.u.t.i.v.e netbooks that costs as much as a proper laptop. Hah! In your face, Blackberry-boy! Welcome to major league office equipment.
But wait! What's this? Man A looked like he was out of the running! All he had was a weedy Nano! And a boring blue one, at that. But he's back in contention! He's reaching into his bag! OMG! It's huge, it's silvery, it's massively expensive, out onto the table comes a Macbook Pro! It's a Pro, not one of those tiddly white plastic things, a PRO! Man A has WON, hands down, no contest, he has come from nowhere and he has wiped the floor with these two bumbling amateurs! 'Pah' to your pinstripe suits and your nice haircuts, it's a PRO!
Twenty minutes later, we arrived at London Marylebone station.
Just made me laugh, that's all. I know, I've got a strange sense of humour.
I was on the train down to London the other week. Quite busy, lots of commuters. I was sitting in one of those blocks of four-seats-with-a-table you get. The other three seats were occupied by smartly dressed middle aged businessmen. Naturally, I looked like a refugee from a jumble sale, but that's by the by.
For a while, they were all busy shuffling papers and making notes and pretending to do some Work. As you do.
Then Man A dug around in his pocket and produced a smart little iPod nano, which he set carefully on the table, before popping in his earbuds. He was obviously rather proud of it. Look, guys, I'm hip and trendy. Yeh, iPod nano, cool, got all m'sounds on it, yeh.
Two minutes later, Man B thinks to himself, right, I'll show him. (Not a word spoken, of course). So out of his briefcase comes his iPod Classic. In yer face, Mr Nano. 120 gigabytes, versus your 16, yeh, you do the math.
A slight pause. Then Man C calmly dips a couple of fingers into his top pocket. Whop! Brand new iPhone! Shiny, shiny. Man A and Man B totally defeated! Round 1 to Man C, ding ding.
On rumbles the train. Still not a single word exchanged between anybody. These three businessmen are listening to Girls Aloud, or whatever it is they've downloaded.
Ten minutes later: seconds away, round 2. Man B - currently in second place with the iPod Classic - gets an idea. Into the briefcase. Oh, look guys, forgot, here's myyyyy... Blackberry! Hmm, think I'll check my email. Uh-huh, yeh, important news from the office, better just reply to that... on my Blackberry. It's a Blackberry. Just gonna send a few messages here. On my Blackberry.
Man C's not standing for that. Oh yes, need to do some emails m'self, actually. So from his bag under the table comes a netbook. Not an el cheapo netbook, oooh no, one of those e.x.e.c.u.t.i.v.e netbooks that costs as much as a proper laptop. Hah! In your face, Blackberry-boy! Welcome to major league office equipment.
But wait! What's this? Man A looked like he was out of the running! All he had was a weedy Nano! And a boring blue one, at that. But he's back in contention! He's reaching into his bag! OMG! It's huge, it's silvery, it's massively expensive, out onto the table comes a Macbook Pro! It's a Pro, not one of those tiddly white plastic things, a PRO! Man A has WON, hands down, no contest, he has come from nowhere and he has wiped the floor with these two bumbling amateurs! 'Pah' to your pinstripe suits and your nice haircuts, it's a PRO!
Twenty minutes later, we arrived at London Marylebone station.
Just made me laugh, that's all. I know, I've got a strange sense of humour.
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